5 Ridiculous Words and Phrases I Proudly Inserted Into My Vocabulary

I don’t usually collect things but I did accumulate a robust vocabulary of fake words and made-up phrases that have melted into my vernacular.

Here are 5 for you to use. You’re welcome.

1. Musty

Taken from a teenager’s mouth and plopped into this article, “musty” is an up-and-coming word for something that is… unpleasant or, well, musty.

It’s like if the words Stale and Gross had a baby, and Blech might be the father. It’s a judgmental statement, not an observation. It comes with accessories like a huge eye roll and a disdainful scowl.

You can’t say this without scrunching up your face like there’s a slightly disagreeable smell.

Anything can be “musty” including nouns, verbs, and adjectives. The dishes in the sink are “musty.” Facebook is “Musty.” The weather is “musty.”

You might be “musty.”

Note: “Musty” is actually four syllables.
Pronounced: MUS-Tah-aayy-uuhh.
See: The scandal behind Stale, Gross and Blech — a docuseries, now on Hulu.

2. Gusped.

The past tense of “gasp.” Fondly used in the sentence “The gasp I just gusped hearing this news.”

It’s playful. It’s hip. It’s witty. It’s grammatically not correct. It confuses Grammarly, which tries to correct it to “Gus peed.”

In another universe, “gasp” totally could’ve been conjugated this way. It makes people like me so happy, and people who pay attention to grammar panic.

So panicked, you could say they gusped with surprise the first time they read it.

Note: If you say this, it might make people worry about you.
Translation: What you do when you are gobsmacked and flabbergasted.
See: Let’s see who will smack me with a dictionary first.

3. Carpet Clenchers

Feet. It means feet. This is another word for feet. Negative connotation filled with disdain and sass. I always picture hairy toes gripping an old shaggy rug.

I find it a very creative way to talk about our feet. There’s an edge to it. To use in a sentence: “You gotta hide your carpet clenchers the family’s coming over.”

Note: Not related to Gremlins. It just sounds like it is
See: Grippers, toe-hold, musty feet
Origin: A sassy teenager actually said this to me with a straight face

4. “Are You Calling Me Pretty”

A bonus sentence. “Are you calling me pretty?” is a sentence you use to throw off someone’s insult. This works because it throws off the sour hatred and replaces it with a second of panic.

Like, wait, did my insult come out as flirtatious? Was my jibe somehow… amorous? Was my attempt at a rude remark coquettish?

Are they calling me pretty?

Why am I blushing?

It works in many situations. It’s even better when you and your friend begin to say it to each other whenever you make any random observation about each other. It keeps a strong, platonically flirtatious relationship alive.

• “You’re so annoying”
  “Are you… calling me pretty?”

• “I don’t understand how you go to bed at 4am.”
  “Wait, are you calling me… pretty?”

• “You’re a terrible driver and are going to hit a moose.”
  “Awe. Are you calling me pretty?

Note: Implies your insults are cute, and so are you *Wink*
Origin: Drunk encounter with a girl at a pizza shop. We later became good friends.

5. Ferment

You know those days when you rot in a bed or on the couch with a good show? Maybe take a nap, read a book and generally disregard the outside world for a little bit? That’s fermenting.

You’re going through the process of a cucumber lounging around in some sour juice until it becomes a pickle. It’s like a less glorifying experience than metamorphosis.

You don’t really change. You just gain some attitude. To use in a sentence: “I fermented yesterday,” or “I’m going to ferment.”

Note: I created this word. I thought it was an existing adjective.
Origin: Wait, that’s not a word? Huh. I’m still using it.
Translation: What a cabbage is supposed to do, except you beat them to it. That’s right, show’em how it’s done.

That’s all I have. If you made it this far down the list I deeply applaud you. I hope musty carpet clenchers made you gusp in disdain.

Maybe you found a phrase that you will fold into your everyday life.

You’re probably wondering if I have more of these made-up words. The real question is… are you calling me pretty?